A hot and cold night .

I am thinking of the night when we randomly chose to go to PD for a lepak-ing by the beach. It was a wonderful night. I never liked hanging out by the beach, I don't hate it, but it's just not my favourite. Maybe because the air is salty and sticky, and sand would just be everywhere, on me. Then it'll be a fuss to clean up all those things. But now,I am so looking forward to going to beaches, at night again. With two of my most favourite people. I just love them. In different ways, that is.

It was a cold night. The air was breezy and the moon was full and bright, it lighted up the beach. It was beautiful, it was calming, and it was, an amazing feeling. Maybe I should have a house by the beach someday? Who knows?? Maybe I could.

We walked, and we walked, and we searched for lil crabbies, and he killed some. Which made me come up with the 'God of Crabs' stories. Haha. It was weird. It was funny. At least he was with me.

Then came the part where we talked, and we sulked, and I got pissed, when he went in total silence, dodging my questions with something like "it's nothing" and "don't worry". I was hurt. I feel hurt. But it doesn't change, I understand. It's okay. I'll leave him alone then. I won't ask anymore, I don't want to make him annoyed. I don't want to do things he doesn't like. Things that would change everything.

I know how I feel, I'm just not sure of how he feels.

Maybe I should just chill.

Yeah maybe I should just do that.

On a lovely night .

All the time, we want to solve things by ourselves,
cause we know we're capable.
Other times, we want others to handle it for us,
maybe because we just want it to be that way.
But sometimes,
when there's something really bad that comes,
And you've done everything you can to solve it,
You thought about it, you talked about it,
you even tried making it work out in some kind of way,
but you just don't.
What happens then?
you'll just give up and stay that way?
or you'll try something else?
What if there's nothing else anymore,
and you can't handle it,
where do you go?

No where.

No where in this world, that is for me.
There's always a solution to EVERYTHING.
That's a fact.
And that's what it is.
If there's an unsolvable solution to a thing,
then there's only the question of
or about God.
On how He works,
Or How He does things.
Because anything else besides what He does,
is solvable.

He is God.
So why can't you just ask for His help,
when you know, no living creature in this world can help you.
Is it because you feel sinned?
Is it because you don't think that it's going to work?
Why are you so impatient?
So why is it that you always blame Him for things you can't have,
or things you can't solve?

I think despite all the things we've done to ourselves,
and everybody around us,
it's just unfair, that God still gives us hope,
shelter, love, and most importantly, our lives.
And in return,
we ask for more things,
we want more stuff.
We blame Him for things we've done.
Isn't it sad?

Why is it hard for you to actually just lower your ego,
just realise that you can get hurt,
you'll die eventually.
So why can't you just ask for help,
cause you're no Superman.

There's no such thing as a 'Superman', dumbass.
Stop living in denile.
And start living in reality.
cause in the end,
no matter how sweet fantasies may be,
you would just fall back and
get hurt in reality.
Cause you've been dreaming too much.
That's why.

Father's Day

It's Father's Day.
and so I heard it is?
haha.

For all fathers in the world,
Happy Father's Day.

Bapak,
I miss you.
Just wish you were here.
just now I was browsing through my contacts,
and found your number.
I miss you so much.
Happy Father's Day.
Al-Fatihah.

Mutual ?

'Aren't they taking it fast?'
'If the feelings are mutual, then why not?'
'Yes, but then again, for how long will the 'feelings' stay mutual?'

Well that's a topic to talk about.
I think, feelings are, playful.
They demand things,
they're posessive, they frequently change,
and the saddest part is, they dissolve. Easily.
You're not sure what is what.
One day you like this person, the next week or month, poof!
It's gone! Just like that!
You're not certain that it's going to always be there.
But still you see people in relationships, some mantained for years.
Some, doesn't even have the chance to start.
I mean, it's cool. I'm not opposing or agreeing to anything.
It's not a problem at all.
It's just a thought I would want to write about,

It's just a thought of that people just want to be in a relationship.
Why? Are you seriously ready for it?
Are you sure you're ready for the hell of a roller coaster ride?
Since relationship, or as you may think, Love is not some kiddy rides you could just
get on and laugh and laugh and laugh. It's not that LAME.

People don't think,
they dream instead.
What are they dreaming about?
Sex 24/7 or when ever you can get your time at?
or even marriage? what about kids?
and how about laying under the stars talking about how special the person is?

Oh come on.
Just chill. And relax.
Why do you want to think about something that you don't even know
or can grasp even a 5% of it. Don't dream too much, they'll break you.
Just so you know,
too much of dreams and hopes, kills you.
You'll end up wasting your youth life, by being sad and depressed over some
shit thing your partner did to you.
Angry about things that doesn't even actually matter.
All for what?
If it's not worth it,
If it's not a happy relationship, why stay?

Having relationships, is a thing to make you feel
more secure, more confident, and more comfortable of yourself.
Someone that makes you feel stronger,
makes you smile in the morning when you wake up,
you would have some vibes coming out of you when you see that person,
and the hair on your neck would automatically stand up,
or you would get goosebumps when you would just think about that person.

But then again you always have to make sure,
it's not one-sided.

If that's the case.
I'm sorry, maybe there's something wrong about you,
that the other person's just not that into you.
Too bad.

Drapolene Rash Creme

Was back in Kedah the other day, skipped Monday classes just to sleep in the bus for 6hours. It was good, I didn't expect to hangout with friends and everything, cause the reason to go back was just to see my lil sweethearts, and well, my dearest abang. I missed them so much, It burns!

My acne got really bad when I was there, wonder why? So my lil brother told me that he used this cream on his acne and it worked, and he gave it to me, which was Drapolene - a nappy rash cream. So I was shocked, of course. I mean come on, you don't put that on your face, or do you?

He was very convincing, like really convincing me to put it. So I did, twice. And the next day when my mother was driving me to the bus stop she asked me about it. So I told her, then she was like, making a weird face, then suddenly my brother laughed out loud in the back seat.

Oh Shit.

You got the picture.

So I laughed. Really bad. So does my mom.

So yeah that was the story of when I went back to Jitra.

And got sabotaged, by my own brother. lol

Today - uno Jueves en Junio

It's been awhile !

Truthfully, for these past few weeks, I feel like shit.
I was not myself, I don't remember where I put it, or lose it.
I'm gona find you somehow, and when I do....

Somehow, these past few days, I feel lighter.
I know what I want to do, and well it's just that I just have to reconfirm on it.
That's all.
I have to be sure of what I feel, what I think.

The thing is, I was just lost.
Lost in my mind, my head.
My imagination.
My thoughts.

I should just stop doing that,
cause if not, when can I start to concentrate in class?
I mean lately, I finally started to concentrate in class.
I've lost that, for years.
But now I'm redeeming it again.
I don't want to be a loser anymore.

I don't want to be useless, reckless, pointless.
I don't want to be nothing.

This is it.
I'm gona go home this week.
I want to start to change.
I always say this.
But now, it's done.

I'm not gonna say anything.
I just want to make it clear to myself, that I should just chill,
and get the best out of myself.
Do the best for me.
For My Own Benefits.

Why don't you just shut the ____ up and just DO IT !