My Precious.

Last night, I slept with both of my brother and sister.
At first I was super angry at my lil brother for being abnoxious.
But I didn't throw a fuss at him. Instead I cried.
I couldn't hold my feelings, my anger, my frustration.
So I cried.

I realised how over protective I am over them.
I couldn't help it. My insctict of the eldest sister is just too strong.

After a few laps of crying and all, my lil bro started to come and hug me,
then came my heavy lil sister, now I have two 'ricesacks' on top of me, crushing me.

Then started the episodes of ghost stories from them, followed by me screaming intentionally just to scare them. And we all laughed. We talked and talked till I was out of breath, and till I couldn't open my eyes any longer, I just went to sleep. They just kept talking till everything was all quiet.
We all slept.

I woke up this morning, with my brother sleeping on the other side of the bed, his feet faced my face, and my sister was almost thrown out of bed. And it was 130 in the afternoon. My god?!
What a good influence I am for both my brother and sister. Haha.

Just for Liyana when she feels sad.

Tonight, I dont feel so happy. Actually, I am really sad.
Why? Maybe because I just feel like it. I just want to be sad tonight.
At least while being sad, I realised a couple of points.
Points of things that would make me see and do things, differently.
Well I just want to be sad tonight.
These are the tears that I've been holding up,
the sadness, the anger, the hurt, and everything.
The thing about me is that
I tend to keep my feelings to myself.
And I think tonight is the night when I let it all out.
So that I would feel better tomorrow.
This feeling I have in me now, is beyond how sadness can be felt.
Because it's just so full of everything I've been through
all this while. and all the anger that I've been shutting up inside.
And I hope to change that. Change my bad-tempered self.

Eventhough its sad. I'm smiling, just to make me feel better.
Just to make me know that it'll all be alright.
It'll all be fine.
because there's nothing that I can't handle.

This one, is for myself.
To read when I'm sad again next time.
Just know that whatever it is Liyana,
You'll be fine. You've done it this far, and you can go further.
It's just how it is, and you choose how you want to live.
So grow up and live with it.

Chewing Gum

Today, a quite 'interesting' incident happened.
Well I was cheerfully humming and driving while chewing a gum after I sent my mom off at the airport.
Then I came home, played the piano. still chewing.
Watch Tv. still chewing.
Went on the internet ; Fb, Yahoo, Onemanga. spat out the gum and had a new one.
Then I was sleepy.
went straight to bed, just to relax my head.
when I realise, I was on my bed, 2hrs later. Just woke up.
And the gum was gone!
I forgot wether I spat it out, or I accidentally swallowed it when I fell asleep
I hope I'm not in BIG SHIT.
Thinking about it, my stomach hurts, maybe because there's gum stuck somewhere
at my intestinal wall.
oh SHIT!

*Rohn

Why is it so bloody warm today?
I can't take it lah.
I kept changing my clothes.
Hangatnyaaaaa!

*hot in Thai

Ps. Im trying to learn to speak Thai now.

Sawatdeekaaaaa :)

Another day Another Story to Tell

Today, aunty Sulida came to stay.
Now ibu's out with her and her friends to find some international school for their kid.
Well I would wish I had gone to private schools, it would be interesting for me, well I love my school life. It's just so full of, memories *smirking*

I have cramps, and I'm sorta crappy.
Watching Slam Dunk made my day.
Eventhough I have watched it since I was like 9.
I still love it.
It's just so natural, so human.
Unlike many other stupid, lame cartoons that are just plain stupid.
I get irritated when I watch stupid cartoons, like Mr.Bean or something.
Erkh.

Got Sue sent me some anime songs in my phone. Im just so into Japanese and Korean songs now. No idea why, maybe because I hear Sue play it in her room all the time.

Anyway, I have henna on my fingernails again today.
Its fading halfway before I topped it up just now.
I just love doing it now.
Just for the fun of it. I do have coloured nails and I can pray with them!
Well, it is also a sunat btw.
haha.

I miss my girls. I just want us to sit together, talk shit and laugh about stupid stuff or go crazy over some cute guy. We'll do nothing, but it's okay. We're so used to that.
Everybody is having their own life now. And it makes it sorta hard for me to see them. I'm not sad about it, it's just that sometimes, I miss them.

I have nothing else to do now, might as well I write something here.
It's better to write about how my day is rather than bitching about people like 'I' always do. :)
*this is totally dedicated to someone, findout who you are!

Miracle

Today, on the 24th of January, I actually have succeded to clean up my room! Like totally! I vaccuumed, wash, pick, scrub, wipe, everything, you name it. In the closet, cupboards and on the floor, on the study table, my bed, and arranged my wardrobe closet according to type, colour.

Oh I feel like I've entered to someone else's room!

After for so long, I actually have devoted myself to do it.

Finally my room is so awesome I don't want to make a mess anymore!
I hope?
Well anyway...

I'm so proud of myself! and now, I'm goin to cheer and clap for myself!

*clapclapclapclap*

Let go in order to move on in life.

Yes I do admit it is difficult for us to
FORGET someone, or something.
Yes it hurts.
Yes its hard.
Yes its like totally out of the question.
But the way to forget something or someone,
is to actually
Let Go.

Let go of the memory, just let it be.
Just don't care. Just don't try involve yourself in it.
Go away, far far as you can.
But don't run away from the fact.
Whatever the fact may be.
Face it, embrace it. Wash it on your face.
Remember that you WANT TO FORGET IT.

If you want to do something, ofcourse you can,
just that sometimes when you feel like you don't,
You just don't want to do it.
Because you don't want to let go,
you want to stay the same,
afraid to change.
You're afraid of change.

Well I'm sorry for you then.
No one else can help you,
you know.
Too bad then.

Lo Siento.

I need to talk to you,
about some things.
But the truth is,
I don't know how to face you,
or to tell you this.
somehow, I can feel the guilt of not telling you
sometimes, I feel like I shouldn't
Because I'm scared of losing you
Losing the same you that has always
Love me, care for me, adore me
I know I'm selfish,
But you're the one who made me this way.
I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do.
So let me be as I am for a moment,
for me to think, for me to gather up words to
put up for you.
So that I would'nt hurt you as much,
as I am afraid I would.
I know this will puzzle you, but this is how I feel.
I'm puzzled myself.
And I am sorry. for everything.


Lo siento. me amor

Make it bloom again

I wonder, how some people just somehow,
loses their faith in having a relationship.
It's not that I hate them, noooo
it's just that I feel sorry for them.
Breaking up is a way to make you learn about yourself,
and what you want in your future relationship.
Yes we do have to happen to be so 'in love' with the person.
But come on, we can always love again.
It's true that we can't forget the person we ever loved,
but it doesnt mean that you will never love again.

If you really want that someone,
What are you waiting for?
Why do you want to question yourself?

If you want to question,
then ask yourself,
Why do you even want to be with that person in the first place?

If you're scared to be hurt,
then that means you're scared to face reality.

To have a relationship means that,
'that' someone is suppose to make you happier,
not taking it away.

Oh Mr. Time?

Oh Mr. Time,

Recently
I feel like you're moving around,
faster than ever.
I'm beginning to feel nervous,
and anxious by the thought that
what if I wont,
be able to catch up with you?

I'm petrified by the idea
of what if you swimmingly leave me behind?
and leave me with unsorted things to be settled.
What if I don't have the chance to be
or to do things I want in time?

Oh Mr. Time, please walk with me.
Don't run away from me again.

I miss you

Today as I woke up
Lazy as ever,
I listened carefully
to the beating sound of my heart
I can hear it beats
Still affected by the wake up call
beatin slowly, smoothly
as I closed my eyes,
I can imagine the feeling
the same feeling, when I'm with you
the warm, fuzzy feeling
deep inside me.
why you asked?
Maybe because I dreamnt of you last night
me folded on your arms,
as I smell your scent, my favourite scent
and then feel your warmth around me,
Oh how I miss that.
I wish every morning was as this one.
So that my day, would be a perfect day,
just a perfect start.

Choose

You opened up a door for me,

and now I have to choose,

wether I want to walk into it,

or choose not to.

It's just not as easy as you think,

because IF I choose to go in,

maybe I can never find myself out.

But who knows,

I might want to stay in there,

for as long as it takes.

but what will US lead to? I would want to know.

Where?