I love you. Fullstop.

Hey. I love you. I really mean it. I really love you.

Wanna know how I found this out?

Cause I love you, to the extend that I don't mind if you don't love me as much as I do for you.

I just want you to know, that I love you. Because by Gods will, I do.

Because I do. And I do so much.

Even if we don't work out. I will always do love you.

I love you, I cry for you, and I would die for you.

Aug 8, 2010

My hair's falling again, but this time, I'm too tired to even get bothered.

Lately, I'm just too tired of stuff. Don't know why.

I need to study, and do some laundry. Then clean up my room.

Oh man. Looks like I gotta get started. Toodles.

Pathetic me.

I can't believe I am counting hours till I meet up with you again.

It's pathetic. I can't live with the fact that I can't live without seeing you.

I can't think, I can't even sit down calmly, I panicked.

Last night I dreamt, that I won't be seeing you today, and then in the dream, I counted the hours till you would actually be available for me. Like how I am doing now.

Oh man, I sound pathetic, It's bruising my damned ego.

If it's not love? What do you call it then?

I just broke my own heart.

Well I do that - all the time.

Not always though, just sometimes, when I think too much.

The truth is, I love you,

But the thing is, I'm confused.

To me you're the most important thing to me now.

But you know what, before you, there was Him, and even when you're here, He constantly coming in and out of my mind. There was always, Him. And He's still here.

I love you so much - it hurts like hell.

But come to think of it, do you feel the same like I do?

Does it hurt, when you think of not having me there? or Leaving me?

Can you breathe, when you think of, not having to see me, even for a day?

Can you eat, can you sleep, when you know that I'm not around?

Does it feel overwhelming when you see me. You just don't know what to think.

Your mind will go blank. Your eyes are just me, your ears just want to listen to what I will say, as when I kiss you, your soul is as if it would come out through yours to mine.

Nothing else matters. Just me. Just you and me. That's all that matters. Our world. Our life.

It's love then. It is love. But you know what. I have a question.

How long that will last? till I die? even when I'm dead?

How bout if there would be a life after that, would it change?

How sure are you? How are you sure that it will last that long?

If you have the answers, come back to me.

I'll be waiting, for you.

You're stupid, Stupid !

Some how just now, I got a calling. About my life. About how I should be.

I've been wasting my time here. I've been enjoying myself too much.

I know I'm doing it, but somehow, I'm always drifted away.

I'll always forget about it. Even when ibu would constantly call me, reminding me bout my failures, from my past. I know I am better, and I know I should be better. But I just cant do it.

Too many distractions, I'm so easily distracted.

Hearing what Afiq said on the phone, I felt like I was struck by lightning or something, I mean. Come on, you got this, a week before you exams, doesn't that mean God still cares about you? Reminding you, that you're drifted away, from the way you should be? Come on girl don't tell me you're saying this is a fcking coincidence, it's fcking not!

Motherfather?! I'm pissed now. I need to wake up!

Wake up Motherchoot, wake up!!! Stupid asshole.

You've been wasting your time, and you still have time to make up for it.

Stop it! Stop dreaming!

You can start dreaming again when finals are over!!

I feel like slapping you, bitch.

College (1)

I don't know what I'm thinking.

I want to write more,

but it seems that whenever I put my hands on the typeboard,

words in my head seem to dissapear

like when you bump onto a tree that has alot of birds resting on it, they went flying of,

away into the sky.

Okay now, what am I crapping?

Just cant think now.

Supposely, I have a class from 8 till 10.

but now, I'm in my room.

Looking at the stashes of clothes on the floor, some on the chair.

Oh man, I gotta kick this habit away.

It's disturbing and tiring sometimes.

My room is not THAT messy now, I cleaned it up yesterday.

I mean, seriously, it's not that bad.

Somehow Alenjandro's playing in my iTune mind right now.

Oh man, can't turn it off. Motherfather!

I miss him. He's walking through my mind now.

Somehow, when I think of him, Neyo's song would automatically play in mind.

Oh my, what's up with songs that can represent every emotions in our everyday life eyh?

I'm gonna leave now.

Maybe I want to stay in bed, maybe I wanna do my laundry,

or,

Maybe,

I would study abit.

Lets see how it goes.

Oh man ?

Hey, it's now the study week, which means, next week is the last week,
for us college buddies to be together. Awh?
How I hate time so much, it just passes right before you know it!
Motherchoooooot.
Somehow, the feeling that I have now, it's like how I felt when school was going to be over,
when I know I'm gonna leave my friends, and when I know, it's gonna end, soon.
Oh man, I hate this feeling.
I don't want to leave here yet,
well I still have 2 semesters,
wtf am I talking about kan?
But still, this feeling, it's just.
Not good.

Or is it the feeling before raya? LOL
I guess I just took it the wrong way then. Haha.
I don't know,
this raya's gonna be different.
And it's gonna be, waaaaay different.
but it's okay.
doesn't matter.
Life goes on, and on, and on.
So why bother.

Things had happened alot this year.
And I just love the fact that I don't get tired of all this.
but this morning when I woke up,
I feel like I've gotten older abit,
I feel that I should grow up.
oh maaaan, this sucks.
I don't wanna grow up,
I don't ever wanna grow up.